Life recently has me revisiting the art of surrender. There’s a percolation occurring. One that offers varying options for change. Not that I was seeking change at large, but rather we are reacting to a shift in professional circumstances for someone who is not me. (Hint: I’m married to him.)
We’ve been on an up and down ride since late April, when Opportunity crept up (via a recruiter’s outreach) and tapped him on the shoulder one morning as we were preparing to explore Mexico City.
Reality accompanied Opportunity and we had to pause and consider that his contract was nearing its end, and we were yet again made aware of our precariously balanced state. He may not have a job in 6-18 months. That’s a cold hard truth in the world of aerospace contracting, and while we’ve ridden this rollercoaster before, each time (like any carnival ride) the acclimation feels foreign.
Six months later, this continued round of exploration and consideration of varied opportunities located all over the US finds me reacting differently. I’m functioning more as an observer and calculator. I spend time noticing the potential change and physical loss, but don’t spend a lot of time or energy on proactively reacting. I’ve even found myself keeping the developments private, until today, which is highly unlike me. I’ve not wanted anyone else’s narration nor opinions. Just Ian and I debriefing daily and rehashing developments. The calculator in me shows up with the trusty spreadsheets to compare and contrast the lucrative financial nature of each option, then turning to culture and lifestyle information along with proximity to my adult child (note: the main reason why international options aren’t being considered at this point…). I’ve patiently (yes, patiently) developed some assessments, but not strong opinions about one option over another.
I’ll react when the offers arrive, so for now I ponder my own depths of detachment. Celebrating this surrendering that was such an elusive activity in past years and with past moves. I sense a divine trust in accepting any outcome, a skill that I’ve been striving to refine with each passing year. “Whatever will be will be… que será será.” feels like an anthem rather than a dreamy song. It warms my heart, mind and soul to know that I’ve reached my destination of quiet ambivalence, but not really ambivalence exactly. It’s a state that’s difficult to articulate, but it’s a very good place at which to dwell.
Fun story: Yesterday I was asked to set my intention for an alternative health session and I puttered around with “I want to feel grounded” and “I want to trust my intuition”… yada yada. Ten minutes in I was gripped by the word: SURRENDER and I spoke it aloud. My practitioner heard me and validated my choice and we moved on. Later she was compelled to choose this card on my behalf from one of her 30+ decks of 50+ cards in each. I asked if she’d cheated when she presented it to me. She laughed at the audacity of that question, given the stats… but then was equally shocked and warmed by the card I held out to her. She’d not looked at it before handing it to me. We both laughed at its deep appropriateness. What a trip.
Synchronicity abounds in this life. We just need to see it.
